October 31, 2012

i am a ninja

I've been house sitting a lot lately. It's really nice. May I just say, I think I might like to make being rich  my next career choice? Seriously, this house is so cool. I want one for my birthday. So then I can sit on my own calf skin leather couch, and stare out of my own floor-to-ceiling windows and multiple french doors, and soak up my own view of the Spokane river while all my own maples turn fall colors.
Anyway, on the down side, this house is gigantic and I tend to rattle around in it when I'm by myself and usually end up freaking out and locking myself into my bedroom downstairs with all the lights on while the tv blares out whatever show I can find that isn't scary.
So, to be on the safe side, I invite Rachel over to protect me. And while she's protecting me, she looks up things on Pinterest and reads me everything she thinks is funny and we laugh at the top of our lungs like idiots.

And so, the other night, Rachel was here and she had to share my room with me because Mrs. Hoover was here too and had kicked Rachel out of her room.
And just as we were dozing off, I remembered something super interesting.


Rachel, I had a nightmare last night. I was pushing a wheelbarrow full of dead monkey heads and stopped by a park and I could hear people moving and talking but I couldn't see them behind the trees because it was dark and then I had to take the monkey heads (which were blue and rotting) and remove their brains (which were white and squishy) and throw the brains out one direction and the monkey heads the other direction and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop removing monkey brains out of dead monkey heads. Anyway, I woke up sweating and terrified.

Creepy, said Rachel.

And then we talked about things like how I'm scared of Willy Wonka, Alice in Wonderland, and The Wizard of Oz. And Rachel said sometimes when you scare yourself it's like, Can we watch Spongebob now?

 And then I told her about a movie I watched one time and this man and woman were at their house one night and they would look outside and there would be these two girls wearing baby doll masks and a guy wearing a burlap sack over his head with eyes holes cut out... just standing there... staring at them. And eventually, they got in the house and stabbed the man and woman to death. And it was a true story.

Then we laid there, silently looking up at the ceiling...

And then Rachel asked me if I had locked all the doors...

And then I asked her if we could watch Spongebob...

And then we watched tv, but not Spongebob because Spongebob wasn't on.

So the moral to this story is...


... I am a ninja.