June 13, 2013

God's beautiful girl

One time, several years back, I decided to go my own way. Forsake God. You don’t own me, I do what I want.
I went like that for awhile until one day I woke up with not much more than what I could squeeze into my red duffle bag. No job. No church. No home. And the worst thing, no God.
I sat there at rock bottom, completely screwed up.
I felt like God would never, ever be able to use me again. And I figured if that were the case, then I might as well commit suicide because was there any point in a life without God? But obviously, that plan fell through.
God put a lot of people in my life during that time who helped me to realize that no matter what, God is never done with you. And no matter what, God forgives. And no matter what, God loves me.
And I’ve forgotten a lot of the things that happened back then. Memories fade, and everything is completely different now. But there’s one thing in particular that is still just as fresh today as it was then. It's a beautiful thing, and I hope I never forget it.
And here’s the thing:
I felt terribly, terribly ugly. And not just inside ugly.
Sundays are the one day of the week that I make an effort to fix myself up. I fix my hair for real. I wear a dress. I paint my nails. I wear eyeliner. And usually, I feel fairly satisfied with how I look. I mean, I’m no super model, but I’m happy with the face God gave me. It works fine. But during that time, no matter how hard I tried, I could never make myself pretty. I tried. But then after I was done getting dressed for church, I would look in the mirror and it was like, I’m ugly. I’m so ugly that people at Walmart probably think I’m ugly. I hated to even go out in public. I figured people were looking at me and wondering why the heck that ugly girl even bothered to go out and scare people with her ugly pugly face.
But over the next 6ish months, God took special time to be sweet to me. He loved me. He cared for me. He kissed me. And He talked with me. And I grew to love Him back. I found myself staring at Him all adoring.
And then one day I was pretty again.
I remember that day crystal clear. I had just caught a big wad of my hair in my blow dryer, and was standing there in the mirror assessing the damage when God said, You’re my beautiful girl. And for the first time in months, I looked at myself in the mirror on a Sunday morning and thought, I look pretty! And I burst into tears.
I felt like when Cinderella’s dress changes. You know how she’s standing there wearing that raggedy dress and then the fairy godmother is like, Bibbity bobbity boo? And then suddenly, Cinderella goes all sparkly and shiny. And then finally, POP! New beautiful dress! That’s my favorite part on Cinderella. That’s how I felt that Sunday morning. Pop! New beautiful face.
The word beautiful has special meaning for me. I love to read it in my Bible. I love to see it in random places. I love to hear it said. And I love when I see something and think, Oooo that’s beautiful. Because that word is for me, from Him. It’s a way of saying, I love you.  Because beauty is God’s handwriting. And it’s a reminder of when God took an ugly girl, and made her His beautiful girl.

So if you're an ugly girl out there, you don't have to be. God is good at making beautiful things no matter what the circumstances.

Love,
God’s Beautiful Girl