May 19, 2011

understood

You know how sometimes there are certain things you just don't get? Just don't understand at all?

Maybe you're sewing, and the thread keeps bunching up on top, and you can't figure it out, and you keep having to rip out the seams, and the girls keep coming up saying, Watcha sewing, Aunt Sunny?, and you snarl at them and tell them to drop off the edge of a cliff somewhere. And then you start thinking about how stabbing yourself in the jugular vein with the seam ripper is starting to look really good right about now. And then your sister-in-law comes over, moves you out of the seat, taps on the bobbin a few times and the problem's fixed.

Or maybe the timer is going off frantically from when you're baking a lasagna, and you try getting it to turn off but it won't, and it starts beeping more and more frantically, and you wave it around in the air, and bang it on the counter, and just as you consider throwing it through the kitchen window the little six year old boy you're babysitting says, Maybe turn the button to off and it'll turn off, and you look at the timer and see O-F-F, and you turn it to off and sure enough... it turns off. Then you calmly turn and say, Thank you, Elijah... I'm glad you're smarter than me at six years old. I'm glad you can lean up against the kitchen counter with your little man arms crossed and watch me not be able to figure out the stove timer.

Or sometimes it's something that's actually serious.
Some heartache, some loss, some misunderstanding, some struggle.
Sometimes it can be frustrating, or discouraging, or hurt like the dickens.
Just something you don't understand.
But get this, folks:
Great is our Lord, and of great power: his understanding is infinite.      -Psalm 147:5

I love that.
I read it last night, and it made me feel so relieved.
I heard something a few weeks ago that really, really bothered me,

Timeout: I'm not telling you what it was that I heard. 
I'm going to be all vague and mysterious about it.
Even though when my sister-in-law Jenny was visiting, she was like, I hate when people are all vague and mysterious... especially on their blogs, and then looked very pointedly at yours truly, and I just blinked innocently.
It's just that it's kinda embarrassing, and all up in my business, and would make me blush to tell you all the details.
So I'm leaving you in the dark. I invoke the right to remain vague.

... and I could not for the life of me figure out why I was so bothered. It was a big deal, but at the same time, not really. Didn't have to be a big deal anyway, didn't have to affect me. But, I was shocked, worried, mad, and all butt hurt about it. Knocked the wind outta me.
I didn't understand what I had heard, but mostly, I didn't understand why I couldn't shake it off.
I asked God to explain it to me. I promised to give up eating Zingers if He wanted.
And finally, after a few weeks of turning it over and over in my head, I read that verse and heard God say to me, I've got it. Maybe you don't get it, but I do. I see the big picture, I see you. I move the chess pieces that are your life. I understand to infinity and beyond. Chillax.
And then I felt the twisting in my gut untwist, the clenching around my heart unclench, the worry in my head seep away. And I felt so grateful to Him for reminding that He's in control. So grateful that there's Someone Who understands me so well, and Who gets the whole big picture, and Who takes a load off my shoulders by understanding when I don't.
He understands other people... so I don't have to.
He understands heartache... so I don't have to.
He understands me... so I don't have to.
Which is so nice because then I can just hand it over to Him and say, This is exhausting me... You can take over while I go eat Zingers.

And He does, with understanding shining out at me.