April 19, 2014

nailed it

It's Easter weekend. I got in the spirit and made some cupcakes.
This is the very best cream cheese frosting recipe ever. Karen found it.

I also happened to come across this picture on Pinterest.

I was like, Um excuse me while I die of cuteness overload.
And I thought to myself, Self, you and Rachel should make those for your Sunday School class kids.
So then I was like, Rachel. I found the cutest thing ever that we could do for our SS kids, and they'll love it, and it will be easy. So easy. Like you don't even know.
And she agreed to make mini Easter egg pinatas with me, thereby solidifying our status as the world's most popular Sunday School teachers ever.

I have never done paper mache before, and I'll never do it again in this lifetime. It took me about 8 hours altogether just to do the paper mache part. It took Rachel and I about another 5 hours to decorate those suckers. (That doesn't include all the time I took to stop and cry and punch the wall in frustration.)
The DIY looks so easy. It's all, Mix flour and water, throw some newspaper in, coat the balloons, fill the balloons with fun stuff, glue some streamers to them. Enjoy!

They sit on a throne of lies.
It probably would've been easier to clone my own body.

But in their defense, they apparently make tons of cute pinatas all the time so it probably is that easy for them.

Anyway, while I sat there, fuming, with a couple of nailed-its to show for all of my effort, Rachel improvised and made some of the cutest Easter eggs ever.

She was like, Hey look. I made a baby chick. Peep peep.

I was like, I made this by myself.

Then she was all, Ooo and I made a fox. The fox is my favorite.

Not to be outdone, I was like, Also, I made this pear.

I finally gave up and watched her. The only egg I can take credit for is the piggy; formerly know as the pear.

Some of them have cute tails.

The parrot is my favorite.

So all's well that ends well, and tomorrow the kids will be wigged out over their egg pinatas. Rachel has mad superhero skills.

In other news, I watched Catching Fire the other day. I liked it. I also noticed that Katniss does her hair in a braid like mine. But she also has really cool face-framing layer/bang thingys that I don't have.

So I thought to myself, Self, you should get the scissors out, and cut yourself some of those face-framing layer/bang thingys like Katniss has.

So I did. But instead of looking like Katniss, I looked like I had sideburns. Long ones. Kinda like sideburn pigtails.
I was confused.
So I thought maybe curling them would help.
It didn't. I looked like a Jewish man. Not that there's anything wrong with Jewish man hair, but there's a time and a place for that and on my head isn't it.

Then I remembered that time I cut myself some baby bangs. And that other time I tried to ombre my own hair.
So I pulled out my trusty bobby pins and pinned back my new Jewish man hair. I also hid my scissors from myself.

Happy Easter!

She Who Thinks Paper Mache Should Set Itself On Fire. And Scissors.

April 02, 2014

happy april fool's day (yesterday)

My boss called me up yesterday morning and told me not to worry about coming into work.

We had a little fire last night.

Fire? Like how bad of a fire?

Pretty bad... I got myself and the dog out, but the house pretty much burnt to the ground.

Let us pause for a moment of silence here.
The house burnt to the ground. That big, beautiful, wonderful house on the river that I've been house sitting for the last several months. The house that I love and sometimes pretend is mine. It has a hot tub. And a Keurig. Both of which I love with all my heart. Crisis alert: level epic. I forgot to even ask if he and the dog were okay.


Yeah. Well...


I was smoking in bed. I think that's what did it.

At which point I stopped having a heart attack. Wait... you don't smoke... isn't today April 1st?

Whereupon he laughed like a hyena, and has since been very pleased with himself for tricking me.

It doesn't take much to trick me, man. I was told, on my 24th birthday, that my pink birthday streamers tasted like bubblegum and that I should eat some. I ate those streamers. Twice. I thought I got a bad piece the first time around so I gagged and tried a second piece. Everybody laughed like hyenas as they tried to get me to eat a third piece of "bubblegum" streamer. In case you've ever wondered, pink streamers taste like asphalt. Do not ask me how I know what asphalt tastes like. Let's just say someone told me it tasted like chocolate. Dark chocolate.

Anyway, later on I took a few of the girls home with me, and Lily and Molly decided they would tell me a few April Fool's jokes.

Molly: Hey Sun, why did the rooster cross the road?

Me: Umm... to get to the chicken on the other side?

Molly: *Jaw drops because how in the world did I know that answer to that one?* Yep, that's right.

Molly: I got a nudder one for you. Why did the chicken cross the road WITH AN EGG IN HER?!!

Me: I don't know. Because she was pregnant?

Molly: *Sighs in exasperation. Obviously bummed that I know all the answers to life's really important questions.* Yep, that's right again.

So then Lily decided to help her little sister out.

Lily: Sun. I got a hard one for you. Why did the chicken cross the road and then STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF IT?

Me: I have no idea. Why?

Lily: Because he wanted to DIE!

Well. That's cheerful. And they both sat back, triumphant that they finally knew more than me.

She Who Will Believe Pretty Much Anything You Tell Her. It's A Curse.