January 25, 2013

startled and uncertain

I repainted my bathroom. But before repainting, I had to scrape some of the old, peeling paint away. Suddenly, while scrapping, a good sized section of the wall fell off. As in, the wall fell off of the wall in a million billion tiny pieces. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
I stood there with my scraper in hand, startled and uncertain.

I took down my stairway handrails so that I could refinish them. Then I tried reattaching them. Two broken nails, four broken screws, three busted anchors, and two giant holes in the wall later, I stood there with the drill in my hand, startled and uncertain. Then I kicked the wall. Twice.

My smoke detector kept beeping and the thing said, If it's beeping at one minute intervals, change out the battery. So I changed out the battery, and it kept beeping. So I took out the battery completely, and it kept beeping. So I pulled the whole thing out of the ceiling, and stood on the ladder with the wires in my hand, startled and uncertain... while the stupid thing still beeped.

I stuck my Starbucks in the microwave to reheat, and the cup caught fire. I stood there, startled and uncertain, wondering if this had ever happened to anyone else or if it was just me.

This morning I got stuck in the snow while backing out of the driveway so I decided to just gun it and unstick myself. I unstuck myself alright. Unstuck myself right into a pine tree and gave my car a busted taillight and a dent the size of the Grand Canyon. I sat there in the silence of the dark morning with the entire contents of my coffee mug dripping down the front of my shirt, startled and uncertain.
Then I banged my head on the steering wheel, rent my clothing, and wailed at the heavens.

Once upon a time, I was a teenager with a giant scrunchie in my giant hair.
I sat before the camera at Olan Mills... startled and uncertain.


Love,
Help Me Please

January 24, 2013

two babycakes

If there's one thing that'll always cheer me up, it's these little faces.




They are sleepy kissable, dress-up obsessed, and Lily can rock that braid beard with charm and dignity.
They are my babycakes, and I am their Aunt Sun.

Love,
Aunt Sun

January 22, 2013

three oils that have saved my life

Karen has been on this essential oil kick lately.
She loves them. She carries them around in her purse, and pulls them out to rub all over you if you have any aches or pains.
Got a migraine? She has Past Tense oil. Feeling stressed? She has the Serenity blend. Are you feeling unfocused? Well then... she also has the InTune blend for all your ADD needs.

Here's a pretty picture of the Oil Queen herself, and her youngest rapscallion.


The other day we ordered some new oils online, and when we were finished (a hundred and thirty bucks later) Karen hugged herself in euphoric happiness and said, I'm so excited to buy more oils. Which kinda reminded me of the way I feel when I go into Starbucks and buy more bags of coffee beans.

Anyway, I've been using a few essential oils, and am fast becoming a believer in their magical powers.
And before long, I'll probably be carrying them around in my purse like Karen does, and I'll rub them on your forehead when you complain to me of having hangnails, split ends, or holes in your socks.

1. Emu oil.
Emu isn't actually an essential oil. But whatever. It's oil and it has great healing properties.
One day Karen and I were talking about using oil to cleanse one's face. She had read something on Pinterest about cleansing with olive oil and how it was supposed to be great and stuff, and so I decided to try it because I'm a zit face and always up for a new miracle cure. But I wanted to use emu oil instead of olive oil. I've seen people use it on burns and old scars with wonderful results.
And I am happy to report that within 3 weeks it: 1} Made my skin feel super soft. Like fluffy little baby chicks. 2} Evened out my skin tone and disappeared old scarring by 75%. 3} Got rid of my super oily T zone. Which surprised me. I assumed oil cleansing would cause even oilier skin, but apparently not so. 4} It, sadly, did not get rid of my zit face. Which brings me to the next oil.

2. Clear Skin
One day, I text a friend and asked her what she used for her skin. Because her skin looks like it's been dipped in the waters of perfection and beauty. And she said prescription drugs. And so I looked up her drugs online and started getting a nervous twitch in my stomach because they looked pretty strong and the side effects said things like, May cause sudden unexpected death, or maybe just constipation. And I was like, Well which is it because there's a pretty big difference between those two. And so I mentioned to Karen that, although I was unsure, I would probably soon be taking a drug that would cause my sudden demise (thereby effectively curing my zittiness). And Karen said, Lily go put your underwear back on. Molly stop picking your nose. And whoever is banging on the piano... SHUT IT. And then she rummaged thru her bathroom drawer, and pulled out some Clear Skin and told me to try it before I tried anything that caused sudden death. And so with skepticism in my heart, I took it home and tried it.
I saw improvement within the week. Four weeks later, my skin is slowly but surely is still improving. I have a long ways to go yet, but... I'm more than happy with this essential oil.

3. Clove oil
I went to the dentist last week and had a tooth extracted. I was pretty nervous. I don't like going to any kind of doctor and even more I dislike any kind of pain. But my dentist won my heart over by A} being really nice, kind, and gentle, and B} prescribing me painkillers. I didn't even care that those painkillers also promised to cause sudden death or maybe just constipation. All I cared about was taking the highest dosage I could get away with, knocking myself out, and waking up pain free. Alas, those painkillers made me vomit a whole bunch which resulted in a dry socket.
Do you know what a dry socket is? I didn't really, but now I do. Holy moly. Intense pain. Basically, I have a hole the size of a propane tank in the back of my mouth with nerves and bone flapping around in it, all exposed. And the pain caused me to gnaw on my furniture and pray to God to just go ahead and kill me. In retrospect, gnawing on the arm of my couch was a dumb idea, but at the time it really seemed like it would help. I was taking a ridiculous amount of various painkillers in an effort to take the edge off and those things weren't even scratching the surface. After a few days, I went online to see what I could do for myself.
After reading what a few other people had to say about dry sockets, gnawing on my furniture seemed pretty mild.
One woman said she had had three kids and that she would take childbirth over a dry socket any day.
One guy said he was hit by a car, had road rash, severe lacerations, and ten broken toes. He said being hit by a car was like going to Disneyland compared to a dry socket. And then he said one day, as he lay on the floor in a fetal position (probably gnawing on his furniture), his wife came in and whispered in his ear, Open your mouth so I can pour some clove oil on that dry socket. And as he feebly clutched her leg, she dabbed the oil in his mouth, and he felt almost instant relief.
I've never been thru childbirth, nor have I ever been hit by a car so maybe those people were exaggerating. But I do have a dry socket... so I'm inclined to agree with their possible exaggerations.
I did a little more research and discovered that dentists actually use clove oil products to treat dry sockets. So I went to my dentist the next day, he fixed me up with clove oil stuff (may God richly bless him for the rest of his life), and then I went to Super Supplements and bought my own clove oil. So long as I reapply the oil a few times during the day, I don't even have to take painkillers. And apparently, after a couple weeks the whole shebang will heal up and I'll be good as new.
So let me tell you, not only has clove oil saved my life, it has also saved the life of my furniture.
And that makes me a happy camper.

Love,
The Next Oil Queen