October 13, 2011

facebook: what it's done for me

I found these on facebook.
I laughed. I laughed hard. I peed my pants. Not really. Ok, maybe. Nevermind.

I love this one. It can be applied to so many different situations.

Punk who grew up in church and now hates it:
Leave. Never go back. Live without church while you still know more than God. Amen.

Employee who whines about having a job:
Leave. Never go back. Become BFFs with your bill collectors while you still know more than your boss.

Those people who burn the American flag and talk down their country:
Leave. Never, ever come back. Go live in some communist country and have your fingernails pulled out, one by one, for speaking your mind while you still know more than the American government.

It's, like, the possibilities are endless with that one.

What the heck! I have that problem all the time!
Me and Captain Kirk have so much in common.

... she brought the house down!

Okay, two things about this one.

First, my favorite thing about this picture is the link's name on the bottom.
VERY DEMOTIVATIONAL.com. Is demotivational a word? I've never heard anyone say it, and I'm too lazy to look it up. However, it's my new favorite word.

Backtalk me again, twerp, and I'm gonna demotivational you.

Get off my tail, stupid huge Ford truck, before I demotivationalize you by slamming on my brakes.

Wanna be demotivationalized? Keep staring at me. That's it... stare. Just like that. I'm about to demotivational you, big time.

Sadly, I'm a coward and have only used this word in my head.

Second, this reminds me of my sister-in-law, Jenny, way back in the day when she was 14 and I was 11, and she was the queen of fat jokes.
She had one in particular, Yo mama so fat, she sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out!
I never fail to laugh when I think of that joke.
And since we're on the subject of jokes, I'll tell you my all time favorite joke in the world.

Q. What did one casket say to the other?
A. "That you, coffin?"

I know. Hilarious. I read that on a Laffy Taffy years ago and it's made me laugh ever since.

Ummm. Mostly... I'm extremely creeped out by this picture.
I'm creeped out by that guy's outfit.

I have nothing to add to this one.
Wait, yes I do.
I wish this picture could actually happen. And that I could be a fly on the wall.
That'd be the best day of my life.

I stole most of these pictures from my friend-whom-I've-never-meet, Jaime. You can read all about her over at The Freak Food Gourmet. They eat freaky gluten free food at her house. Which is why you'll never see me eating anything at her house. Also, I've never been to her house. Also, I've never met Jaime. I came across her blog and she came across mine and then we became facebook friends and then she posted that picture of Napoleon on my wall and then I laughed all over the place.
Friendship formed over Napoleon Dynamite.
Look at Napoleon's face. Have you ever seen anything more beautiful?
The way his mouth hangs open, the way his lips probably hurt real bad, the way his eyes are probably staring at Deb's big sleeves, the way Pedro is probably behind the camera wearing his awesome wig...
Sometimes when I'm wanting a good laugh, I'll go online and look up Napoleon Dynamite quotes. I'll laugh hysterically for hours.

Napoleon: Stay home and eat all the freakin' chips, Kip.
Kip: Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter.
Napoleon: Since when, Kip? You have the worst reflexes of all time.
Kip: Try and hit me, Napoleon.
Napoleon: What?
Kip: I said come down here and see what happens if you try and hit me.

Napoleon: [checking out Deb's milk] I see you're drinking 1%. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? 'Cause you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.

Napoleon: Do the chickens have large talons?
Farmer: Do they have what?
Napoleon: Large talons.
Farmer: I don't understand a word you just said.

Napoleon: Tina, you fat lard, come get some DINNER!... Tina, eat. Food. Eat the FOOD!

Deb: I'm trying to earn money for college.
Kip: Your mom goes to college.

This is what happens when I get on facebook. I look for funny pictures, I laugh at the pictures, I look up Napoleon quotes for hours, I laugh at the quotes, I check facebook again to see if any new pictures have been posted, then I blog about it. As soon as I'm done blogging, I'll probably check facebook for more pictures again.
Not that I don't want to keep in touch with all 63.5 of my facebook friends, but... I'm really on there for the funny pictures.

Excuse me, I gotta go check facebook again...