February 14, 2012

valentine's day: when you're single

It's Valentine's Day.
I kinda like Valentine's Day. Even if I am single.
And even if everything is pink and I don't care for pink.
Also, I hate cupids. Cupid rhymes with stupid, just so you know.

Cupid Haiku:

Cupid was stupid,
Fat and naked,
Stupid Cupid was cold in winter.

I wrote that myself. In honor of Valentine's Day.

But I like all the hearts, and flowers, and chocolates, and cards.
(I get them from my mom. Because I'm single and all.)
And I don't mind babysitting for all the couples going out on dates.
(Because when you're single, you automatically become the designated babysitter on Valentine's Day. It's every single girl's destiny.)
And I don't mind all the cracks about, So why are you still single? Couldn't catch a guy, huh? How old are you anyway?
(Catch a guy? What am I supposed to do... take fishing lessons? )

A friend posted this video on facebook awhile back.
I cried tears of laughter watching it.


Now that I've watched this video, and know the top ten ways to get a guy to like me, I'll probably be married, like, next week.

I'm a single girl. I've been single for 28 years. So I'm very experienced in all things single.
When I was 18, my mom started telling me not to worry, her grandmother didn't get married until she was 28.
But then I turned 28 this past December.
Moma's had to switch from comforting me with my old maid, great-grandmother Matilda's plight-turned-miracle to comforting me with things like, I'm going to Walmart. I'll pick you up some Oreos.


People always ask me why I'm still single.
I'm picky. That's it. I've got standards, dude.
And the one and only relationship I've ever been in was because I let my standards down. And when I say down, I mean rock bottom down.
And when I escaped from that disastrous relationship by the skin of my teeth, I asked God to help me kick my standards back up and keep them up. Which is what I should have done all along and saved myself alot of trouble and heartache.

Here's the common myth: Every single girl desperately wants to get married.
Here's the truth: Most single girls want to get married. Duh. Some more desperately than others. Also duh.

Here's another common myth: Every single girl spends 40 hours a week planning her wedding, spends another 40 hours a week collecting recipes for when she marries, has a hope chest which contains 40 different kinds of table linens, has scrapbooks and notebooks full of things me and him will do together... if I ever meet him, and cries herself to sleep because she thinks Prince Charming got killed somewhere and is never going to show up.
Here's the truth: 1. I've spent approximately 10 hours of my life planning my imaginary wedding. I will wear a dress. I will walk the aisle. I will say I do. We will promptly leave and go somewhere warm. It will all be very cheap. The end.
2. I hate cooking. With all my heart, soul, and body.
3. I have a hope chest. It's empty.
4. I hate scrapbooking. But if I did like scrapbooking and if I did write about what me and him will do together, it would say, He'll watch ESPN and I'll hot glue stuff. We'll order pizza.
5. If Prince Charming got killed somewhere, that's his own darn fault. He should've smartened up.

Myth busted. (Get it? Like the show? I've always wanted to say that.)

Anyway, here's the thing about being a single girl: it's pretty much fun.
Sure, there are pros and cons, but there are pros and cons to marriage too.
And that one disastrous relationship I mentioned? It taught me a few things.

1. Never let your standards down.
2. Never cast your pearls before swine.
3. Be happy with single life because waiting for Mr. Right is alot better than being with Mr. Wrong.
4. Guys and girls can't be close friends. (If you disagree, I'm right and you're wrong.)
5. He does not, absolutely does not, think of you as his sister. Or even his buddy.
6. If you don't have each other's honesty, trust, and respect, it'll never work.
7. True love isn't a sweet line, it's sacrifice.
8. When faced with Mr. Wrong, run. Run for your life because really, your life depends on it.
9. God is sweeter than any guy ever thought about being and if the guy you're with jeopardizes your relationship with Him... get out and get out fast. No guy is worth losing something so precious as your relationship with God.
10. Trading Mr. Wrong for that relationship with God, is trading up. Way up.

So for all you single girls out there, don't sweat Valentine's Day. Enjoy it!
You're where you should be and don't waste the life God's given you by wishing for something different.
He has given it to you, it's a gift. Take it, run with it, thank Him for it.
Have girl's night, wear sweats, don't wear make-up, watch Castle until 3am, never cook, and enjoy not worrying about falling into the toilet at night because... there's no one around to leave the seat up.
But mostly, enjoy God's loving sweetness and be content with it. I found him whom my soul loveth: I held him, and would not let him go.

And now I have to go frost a bunch of cupcakes for a pack of kids to gobble up tonight.
Because it's Valentine's Day, and all their parents are going out for the church's Valentine's dinner.

All my ardent love,
She Who Is Destined To Babysit