I'm a shopping hater. I hate shopping. I hate all its guts.
It gives me a headache.
It makes my legs fall off.
It makes my thighs feel rubbery.
It makes me lose faith in humanity.
It makes me lose my religion.
And it makes me have to go pee, and I hate public restrooms because you never know what gross thing you might see on the floor there.
But mostly, I'm a penny pincher, and I abhor spending my money.
Sometimes I go shopping because I don't have a choice (like when Karen drags me along). And I'll see something I want. And I'll carry it around the store, and I'll sniff it, and feel it, and love it, and ultimately... put it back on the shelf.
But then, approximately once a year, I'll have some sort of break down and I'll run around buying all the stuff I saw last fall or last spring or ten years ago.
Which is what happened last week.
I bought wellies. I saw them last fall and couldn't bring myself to buy them. But I needed them for work. I'm sick to death of gardening in wet feet. Also, they're really cute, and I like cute stuff.
I bought a raincoat. I've been "borrowing" Karen's for the last five years and thought maybe I should just, you know... buy my own.
I bought fabric (fabric.com is so cool, guys!). I'm still finishing up decorating my living room, and my old throw pillows need revamped.
And I bought craft stuff. Ever heard of cabochons? Me neither- until a couple weeks ago. They're cute little charm thingys that you can glue onto earring backs, or rings, or bobby pins, or whatever your heart so desires. I love them. I wanted some. So Karen found a deal on GroopDealz, (a whole set for only $10, man! Complete with earring backs, bobby pins, rings, and glue.) and I bought me some cabochons.
And then one day I woke up and my hair looked like this:
So I figured I should definitely get me a hair cut.
So I did.
And while I was there, the guy cutting my hair was like, Oh my gosh! I love your shirt! So cute! Stripes are my fave right now, and Old Navy had, like, an awesome sale so I bought tons of tank tops. I'm so excited! Also, we have, like, Big Sexy Hair products on sale! Do you, like, use those? Because, like, I totally do! The Moroccan oil is my fave. It's great for frizzy hair.
And I was like, Why do you mention frizzy hair? Huh?
And then he plopped a whole bunch of oil on my big, sexy, frizzy hair. And nothing happened.
And then I thought about that one time, four years ago, when I bought some Big Sexy hairspray and I loved it, but never bought it again because... seriously??? Eighteen bucks a can??? No thank you.
But since it was on sale, I bought two.
And since their cash register wigged out when they were ringing me up, I got them for even cheaper.
And I walked out of Great Clips with my hair casually floating in the breeze behind me, and two cans of Big Sexy Hair, and that guy hollering after me, Like, seriously you should totally try the Moroccan oil!
Speaking of sexy.
I went to see Avengers. Twice. It was epic.
Hawkeye was epic. More specifically, Hawkeye's arms were epic. I'm going to marry them.
I'm going to buy a tee shirt that says, Me and Hawkeye's biceps. Meant to be.
The rest of the movie was pretty good too.
It had some great lines.
Stark: Doth your mother know you weareth her drapes?
Cap America: Is everything a joke to you?
Stark: Funny things are.
Cap America: Ma'am, there's only one God, and I'm pretty sure He doesn't dress like that.
Stark: Phil? Uh, his first name is agent.
Cap America: We have orders, we should follow them.
Stark: Following's not really my style.
Cap America: And you're all about style, aren't you?
Stark: Of the people in this room, which one is A - wearing a spangly outfit and B - not of use?
Napoleon: Do chickens have large talons?
Wait... wrong movie.
Anyway, I loved it.
But mostly, I unashamedly loved Hawkeye's arms. The end.
Leah sent me this picture. I love Instagram. It's the best app ever.
And the other day, I was driving down the road, on my way home from work, and there were wild yellow roses, blooming like crazy on some unoccupied property. I mean crazy, crazy blooming. And yellow's my favorite color. So I trespassed and picked a whole bunch.
And then I ran before the neighbors could call the cops on me. It was like Mission Impossible or something.
Then these two goobers came over to my house and turned my spotless, speckless home into utter disarray in about five seconds flat.
I don't know how they do it. They took two blankies, 8 or 9 toys, several cuppies, a few books, cheese sticks, and an apple, and strategically scattered it all around until my house looked like a war zone.
Couple rapscallions, that's what they are.
I had cheese stick in my wellies.
But I love them to death anyway.
I have approximately 4,331.8 black fly bites right now.
I hate black flies. I hate how much they love me. I hate all the creepy crawling they do on me. I hate how they suck my life's blood. I hate the giant red, swollen bites they leave. I hate all the itching those bites cause.
Basically, I hate them to death.
Mrs. Hoover got a black fly bite on her forehead. She said it got all swollen, and then she looked like a Romulan.
And now we know what really happened to all those Romulans.
I've been working my tail flat off. Work, work, work. But I love my work. So it's okay. Even though I complain about how tired I am all the time.
It's been raining and cold and I've been wearing long johns in June.
I planted window boxes on my deck railing. They're very bright and cheerful.
I was very impressed by Hawkeye's arms.
Moma was gone to Texas for three weeks, but now she's back and I'm really glad because I was starving and lonely for her.
The girls had piano recitals.
Some guy asked me to design his flower gardens and I said yes, but now I wish I had said no because it's a lot of work and I don't have time.
I was very impressed by Hawkeye's arms.
There was a lightening storm last night, and I stayed up late and watched it. Because I think thunder and lightening are so wonderful.( Also, I thought maybe Thor would drop by for a visit. But he didn't.)
I've been wanting to make a key lime cake, but haven't had time.
I was very impressed by... wait... is there an echo in here?
And now I have to go back to work. Because I'm very responsible and practical like that.
But I'm buying Starbucks and a chocolate doughnut on the way.
Hawkeye's Bicep's Future Wife
(Except he doesn't know about it yet. But that's a minor detail so it doesn't count, right?)