September 06, 2013

the most important thing

The last three-ish months, I've been stretched thin. I don't know about you, but I don't do well when I'm stretched. Like, not at all. I get pinched around the edges. Super stressed. I start tersely snapping at people. I wander around in confusion (like more than usual). I cry a lot. Breathing is hard. My head is all kinds of chaos.
It all starts with being busy. And I don't have a clue on how to be balanced busy. I'm just unbalanced busy. I get up around 4:30 AM, stumble around in a non-awake stupor for the next hour getting myself ready for the day, I go to work, I come home exhausted, I might have time to clean myself up before I go do the shopping, or the cleaning, or the church going, or the living life. I go to bed early, and the next day is the same all over again. I'm not complaining about the daily life. I love my life, I love my job, I love my family. I'm just saying that sometimes, life gets out of wack and busy gets in the way of things. Busy takes over and pushes important things into the background.
I have to be busy sometimes. Like, busy is a part of life and there's no avoiding it. I have a job, and a home, and people. I do things. I'm always pressed for time, and I probably always will be. Things always slow down in the winter, but my summers are busy and will be for the rest of eternity.
So the other day, I got in my car and finally felt myself stretch to the snapping point. (Fortunately for everyone in the world, I don't kill people when I snap. I just cry and cry and cry.) And I said to myself, Self, you are unhappy and that's not like you. What's the dealio? And myself said to me, It's just that I'm so busy and things keep falling between the cracks and I can't keep up and I'm stressed and can't handle things right now. I'm anxious and worried and tired and failing at everything. I am a loser and a jerk.
So I sat down to figure out my problem. I figured it out. Busy had pushed God into the background. Like, that quiet me n' Him time has dwindled down to 20 minutes a day, max. My attention span is short and 20 minutes is like, almost enough for me to read one verse. And guys, that's so not enough for me. So I was like, Lord... where exactly do I fit you in? I don't stop all day until right before bed and by then, I'm so exhausted I can barely focus on dinner much less my Bible. I need more time in the day.
The morning. The very, very early morning when I'm normally asleep. That's the time. That's the only time I'm not busy doing the things that really do have to be done. I'm not a morning person. Especially a it's-still-dark-outside morning person. But there is one thing that's needful to me: God time. Sleep is less important. So early morning it is. The last few days I've been getting up even earlier, and I've felt that chaos seep away and the peace returning. I've been setting alarms on my ever present phone to make me stop during the day and just remember God. I've been writing a verse, a word, a quote on my wrist so that anytime I talk with my hands, I'm reminded of God. Isn't it weird that I have to be constantly reminded to spend time with God? Wouldn't you think I'd have that all figured out by now? It makes me sorry to have to be reminded over and over again to pay attention to God. Poor God, must break His heart.
And isn't it so crazy that without God involved in the daily life, everything is overwhelming, but where God is first, there is peace also? I guess that's why He said to acknowledge Him in all our ways. It's a great stress reducer.

I don't know who said this, but it's right on: The secret to a happy life is giving God the first part of your day, the first priority to every decision, and the first place in your heart. 
And God said this one: Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matt 11:28
I think at the end of the day, it isn't the busy that matters so much. Because we're all busy and usually we have to be. I think the busy isn't so bad, so hard to handle, if we just give God the time of day. There's rest right in the middle of busy if God is right in the middle too.