May 17, 2012

my wildest dream

I had one of my wildest dreams come true this week, and I didn't even vote for Pedro.
I didn't pray much about it either. I just kinda said, Lord of mine, it would be nice if all my wildest dreams came true.
And then one of them did! Here's the thing, God is awfully nice like that.

I'm a gardener. It's what I do. It's how I make a living, and pay bills, and buy more hot glue sticks.
But I only know what I know about gardening because either Moma taught me or I googled it, and there's so much out there that I don't know.
But I want to know it all.
Because gardening is what I love best, and being a truly awesome gardener is one of my wildest dreams.
(My other wildest dreams are to have a farmhouse, and to grow chickens, and to have a hammock. I would also like a blue door somewhere in my house. I dream really huge dreams, let me tell ya. I'm going to conquer the world.)

And so, last year a really wise old man, Pastor Bemis, pushed his glasses high up on his nose with his middle finger in that way he does and asked me, So who are you, and what do you do?
And I was like, Ummm... Sunny Jane? I eat chocolate?
And he pushed his glasses up again and said, You need to figure out who you are, and what you want to be when you grow up.
Which I thought was something only weird people going thru their mysterious mid-life crisis had to do. And just that phrase finding yourself... doesn't it sound kinda psycho babblish? Kinda weirded me out having someone say it to me.
But he was right. Because every time I tried thinking about my future, I drew a blank and ran around in circles and didn't really know what to do with myself. (I seriously don't get how all those teenagers, fresh out of high school, have all this stuff figured out. How do they go to college, and start careers and families, and I'm like, nearly thirty, and I'm only just figuring all this out in the last few years? I'm totally a late bloomer.) And I kept drawing figurative cards out of my hat and saying, Well maybe I'll do this or that... or maybe not. And I never could really get any peace about what direction to invest myself in. And peace is what I needed.
So anyway, Pastor Bemis also told me I needed to find God, and since I'm not much of a multi-tasker, I figured I would just focus on finding all God's onion layers rather than finding myself.
So I did.
And awhile back, sometime last year, I was planting some tomatoes, and had splinters in my kneecaps, and dirt under my fingernails, and a really bad, peely sunburn. And I came home and was digging said dirt out from under said fingernails, and was just so... completely happy and at peace. So absolutely content.
And then I had this huge epiphany, but no one was home for me to tell it to, so I bellowed my happiness at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I totally want to be a gardener when I grow up! And my neighbor below me banged on her ceiling, which is also my bathroom floor, and told me to pipe down.
But don't you love lightbulb moments? Me too. I'm not really certain why that one never dawned on me before, but like I said, I'm a late bloomer. Also, a little slow on the uptake.
And God worked things out by the end of last summer so that I could be a full time gardener. Which I thought was pretty cool of Him.

And all this past winter I've been thinking, It'd be so cool if I could somehow learn more about gardening. Like, to learn really cool stuff that I don't know.
And I've been looking at websites, reading books, reading magazines, and making plans for my own little apartment deck garden.
But I wanted more than just that.
So that's when I said to God, Lord of mine, it would be nice if all my wildest dreams came true.

And that brings me to me not voting for Pedro, and one of my wildest dream coming true this week.

There's a little gardening place not too far from where I live. It's actually a nursery. But not your typical nursery. It's more like paradise for gardeners. The owner has a very unique and creative style, and I love what she does. I want to be her. I want all the plants she has, and I want to know how in the world she makes her gardens look the way they do, and how does she know exactly which plants to put together in the same flowerpot?
So I went there.
And I asked her if I could be a volunteer employee a few hours a week, in exchange to watch her, and learn a bunch of stuff, and maybe grow up to be like her.
And she said, Why don't I just hire you? No need for you to work for free. I need someone and you could work here whenever you have the time off.
Are you kidding me? It's like getting paid to go to school!

She still has no idea how close she came to getting kissed right on the lips by yours truly.

But I thought it might be an awkward start to our boss/employee relationship. So I refrained.
But it was difficult.

So I worked there all day this past Monday. I learned six things about gardening that I never knew before. I got a bad sunburn. I met new people and they were all nice except one old man who got mad that I didn't have the right zucchini plants that he wanted. I ran all over the place until my legs fell off. I got dirt all over me. I bought some plants at the end of the day and found out I get a 40% employee discount (BEST. JOB. EVER. MAN.). I nearly kissed my new boss on the lips again. But I refrained again. I came home and fell into bed exhausted, and thanked God for being so good to me.

And early this morning, when I was doing some gardening for a client, I looked over at the river in front of me, and listened to the client's infinity pool/waterfall behind me, and watched the geese being dorks across the river, and ate my granola bar while I itched my sunburn... I thought about how Pastor Bemis said to figure out who you are.
And I thought about how it was pretty cool that even though I had forgotten all about him saying that, it had all come full circle.
Because in the end, it doesn't have squat to do with you finding yourself.
In the end, I peeled God's onion layers, found God, and guess who was with Him? Me, that's who.
Find God, you'll find you. No need to run off looking for both. Just need to find Him, and the you part will come along.
Isn't that beautiful the way that works?
I have no doubt Pastor Bemis knew all that when he pushed his glasses up on his nose with his middle finger in that way he does, and I'm really glad God put him there to tell me the things I needed to hear.

So, in closing...

Find God and all your wildest dreams will come true.
It happened to me.

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