November 15, 2010

ending, beginning

The past year and a half has been.....every which way but up.
Confusing.
Agonizing at times.
Blissfully happy at other times.
Emotional.
Bizarre.
Tumultuous.

But I've made it through.
I was limp, and broken to pieces. Made worthless by my own choices.
I clawed my way out of the abyss, only to reach the top, and see that Christ was actually what was pulling me up, and I had nothing to do with it.
The abyss isn't what this story is about though.
This is about the rest of the story.

You know how people say I'm starting a new leaf, turning the page?
That's kinda how I feel.
Maybe my imagination is over-active, but in my mind's eye, I can see a bookshelf, and on that shelf are all the 'books' that equal my life.
(Please don't laugh. I know it might sound silly, but I'm for real.)
A book for childhood; rosy and happy.
A book for the totally carefree years of age 11-14; on top of the world.
A book for the years after the church split in Boaz; happy, but hard at the same time. I did alot of growing up in that book.
A book for age 19-21; the book where I realized that God wasn't just my parent's God, He was mine too. I learned how to talk to God in this book.
A book for my first two years in Idaho; so, so, so very happy. This book is like a fairytale. Everything was perfectly perfect.
A book for the next year or so; the book were the fairytale started to fade.
And then finally, a book for the last year and a half; like I said...every which way but up.

Sometimes I take these 'books' out, and read over them. There's a couple of them that I hate to look at, and this last book will no doubt go in that category too.
Except for one thing.

The ending.

I love the ending in this book. It's the worst book yet, but it's also the best ending so far.
The book is dark, a crash and burn story, but the ending has the rosiest glow. It sparkles, it shines with hope, it fills my heart with a gladness that bursts and scatters all around me. It promises a sequel full of joy. The ending of this book is where I learned the most, where I got my wings back, and soared. It takes my breath away with its sweetness.
I'm almost grateful for this last book when I read the ending. Not that I've enjoyed it, but without the book, I wouldn't have had the joy of the ending.

I'm starting a new book.
Every page is blank, and gloriously clean. I admit, those blank pages are a little scary, but at the same time, absolutely wonderful.
I really can't wait to see what's going to happen. What all God plans for me, what He plans to show me, where He'll have me go, and what He'll have me do.
I can't wait to see what'll happen when I let God write the book instead of trying to write it myself.

It was a glad ending, and now a new beginning.


He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are stilled.
Then are they glad because they be quiet; so he bringeth them unto their desired haven.
Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men!
~Psalm 107:29-31