January 26, 2011

things i want to know

1) I want to know how to use my tire jack.
That way I don't have to call someone up to come change my tire for me.

I pulled out of my driveway this morning and thought something sounded funny about my car.
Kinda like metal scrapping somewhere under my hood.
It wasn't under my hood though.
It was the sound of my tire rim scrapping the asphalt of the road.
My tire was that flat... it was pretty much off the wheel.


2) I want to know how to potty train a two year old.
That way I wouldn't have to clean up pee from off the floor every five seconds.



Karen is potty training Lily.
And I'm babysitting today.
So far we've gone thru one pair of Minnie Mouse panties, one pair of Daisy Duck panties, and two pairs of plain pink panties.   (And one pair of Valentine's Day socks with little white hearts on them.)
I made Lily help me scrub the puddles out of the carpet so she could appreciate the fact that peeing on the floor is way more work than peeing on the potty.
She got back at me by pooping in her panties immediately afterwards.
So I sat in front of her and ate marshmallows. I didn't give her any.
I would've given them to her... if she had gone on the potty.
You might think I'm being harsh. You might be thinking well, she's only two and doesn't know what she's doing.
If you're thinking that... you're wrong.

She hides behind the flippin' door every time she pees her pants!

Oh, she knows exactly what she's doing.


3) I want to know how you get a one year old to stay in her highchair.
That way I wouldn't have a heart attack every time I catch Molly sitting precariously on the kitchen counter tops.


Molly has this thing about sitting in her highchair.
Every time I put her in it, she gets this crazy death wish and tries to climb out.
Buckling her in doesn't work. Threatening her doesn't work either.
Today I found her sitting up on the counter playing with Tim's espresso machine.
She was so proud of herself.
I went into cardiac arrest.
Then, after I installed her back into the chair, she managed to stand up, crawl over to the chair beside her, and land on the floor. All while still holding onto her PB&J. 
(Insert cardiac arrest again.)



She likes to climb a lot. That's the problem.



We have way better success in getting Lily to stay in her highchair.

Maybe superglue would work?
Duct tape?